The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

Title: The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins
Author: Jazz Man
Dislcaimer: I don't own Star Trek or Bilbo Baggins, or the song.
Summary: Spock finds an interesting song in McCoy's collection.

I really am very sorry to inflict this on you all. Blame Marcy.

The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins
Jazz Man


"Mmm?" McCoy rolled over to face Spock. "What is it, Spock?"

"I have been reviewing your collection of music files in an effort to
better understand Human behaviour."

McCoy snorted. "You're looking through my record collection for

"I admit it may not be the best choice, but no other materials were

"You woke me up to tell me that?"

"I am puzzled -"

"Nothing new there then."

Spock ignored him. "I listen to something called 'The Ballad of
Bilbo Baggins' and I would like to know: what exactly is a Hobbit?"

"They're about three foot tall, have hairy feet and live in the
Shire," said McCoy without missing a beat.

"The Shire? Is the Shire a place on Earth?"

"It's a place in Middle Earth."

"Middle Earth?"

"Yeah, it's between Upper Earth and Lower Earth."

"I do not understand."

McCoy sat up, clutching the covers to himself in a rather pointless
attempt at modesty. "There's Upper, Middle and Lower Earth, but only
Middle Earth is interesting. That's where the Hobbits live, and the
Dwarves and Goblins and the Elves."

"Dwarves, Goblins and Elves?" McCoy nodded. "What are these
creatures like?"

"Dwarves are a bit like Scotty, and maybe Chekov too, with the
national pride side of things. Goblins are the bad guys, maybe
Klingons, better yet, the Orions, cause they're green too. In terms
of the others a mix of Uhura and Sulu would be a good Elf, but you're
the best example of an Elf, what with those beautifully pointed
ears." He reached across to where Spock was sat cross-legged on the
floor and touched the tip of the most accessible ear.

Spock shivered, but persisted. "The Hobbits, Leonard, who are they


"He has hairy feet?"

"Like you wouldn't believe, but don't tell him I said that."

He looked at McCoy, allowing the hint of amusement to cross his
features. "How are you like then, Leonard?"

"I'm an imp," he said with a grin. "Now come back to bed, that'll
help you study Human behaviour."