Someone to Look After Me


"SOMEONE TO LOOK AFTER ME"--A Spock/McCoy adaptation

by Pet Leopard


(I acknowledge that Star Trek, with all its trademarks and copyrights, is a product of Paramount Studios, Inc. Any connection
to established characters is purely for entertainment and these materials will not be sold for profit.)

Time Period: A year after Jim Kirk disappeared into the Nexus

Doctor McCoy drank his coffee slowly. The truth of the matter was that he hated the stuff, but he needed something to keep him
warm. It was a beautiful day in Central Park. The November air breezed by him with a certain warmth, but for some reason, he was still cold. It was probably a case of bad nerves. Although, in retrospect, Leonard could count on the fingers of one hand the number of things that would provoke such a reaction. He consoled
himself with the fact that he would only have to wait five minutes longer. Either way, he would be past the anxiety very soon. To occupy his mind, he thought in his mind about the events of the past evening.

It was a quiet gathering. They had all agreed to meet at Scotty's fishing cabin in Northern Massachusetts. It was a year
after Jim died, but not one of them had completely gotten past the grieving. Scotty and Chekov were exceptionally hard hit. They were there when it happened. They tried to put on a brave display of
cheerfulness, but Leonard was able to see how much they were hurting. Uhura quietly sat by herself in the corner, picking at her salad in a half-hearted manner. Captain Hikaru Sulu was going through the motions of making "small talk" with Christine Chapel.

Leonard arrived late to the gathering. After all these years, he was still squeamish about having his molecules scrambled by using the transporter. The shuttle was his only option for traveling and tonight it was running late. On top of that, it was raining. So, Leonard walked into the door in a grumpier mood than usual, his trench coat soaking wet, as were his boots and the lower legs of his
uniform trousers. Seating space in Scotty's tiny cabin was limited, so Leonard found himself walking from corner to corner, hopelessly searching for a place to rest his tired old bones.

Just when he was at the point of collapsing, he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turned around quickly and stared into the warm brown eyes of Captain Spock. Spock was wearing a blue toga-like
robe which covered him from head to toe, but his arms were still exposed. Leonard couldn't help observing the fine muscularity of Spock's well-conditioned arms. The doctor also couldn't help noticing a very pleasant aroma that emanated from Spock's body. No doubt, he used fine, aromatic herbal essences to adorn his skin with. Leonard remembered that this was one of the fragrances that
Spock used to wear when he and Jim were together. As a matter of fact, it was one of Jim's favorites.

The Vulcan nodded respectfully to the doctor. "Please sit by me, Doctor. I reserved a seat for you." Since Spock was the closest to Jim, Scotty made sure that his was the most comfortable of the small couches in the cabin.

Leonard was honored by Spock's politeness. "Why thank you, Spock. Don't mind if I do." He removed his dripping raincoat, which Scotty immediately seized and hung up for him. "Getting here was like traveling through the Delta Quadrant, for gawd's sake." He collapsed into his seat and proceeded to remove his wet boots. "You would think those Starfleet bigwigs would do more to accommodate the needs of an old-timer like me....AH-Choo!!" Leonard sneezed. Spock felt the doctor's forehead. Leonard liked his touch. It was very soothing.

"You are cold. Stay right here. I will get you something to warm yourself." Before Leonard could protest, Spock respectfully
nodded and walked into the other room. A moment later, Spock returned with two items--a wool blanket and a hot drink. Spock put the drink down on the table next to Leonard and wrapped the blanket
around his friend's shoulders. Leonard couldn't help but notice that Spock kept his arm around him for a moment longer than was necessary. The doctor didn't pull away. He felt a sensation of warmth, not only from the blanket, but from Spock's presence.

"Thank you, Spock. It's been a while since someone took care of me like this."

"Try the hot chocolate. I think you will like it."

Leonard put the warm drink to his lips and sipped it. It wasn't like anything that he had ever tasted. "Spock, this is delicious. What did you put in here? I have to have this recipe!"

"I remembered from the past that you enjoyed the taste of mint--those mint juleps that I observed you consume bear sufficient testimony to that fact. Therefore, I mixed it with mint, plus some
special Vulcan spices to give it a pleasing flavor."

Leonard didn't say anything. He just sipped his hot chocolate slowly. Spock put his arm around him to straighten the blanket that
started to drape off of the doctor's shoulders. The Vulcan's arm was still there even after the blanket was straightened. Leonard enjoyed the warmth. He let himself be taken care of.

Scotty walked toward the center of the room and asked for everyone's attention. He said that he felt a need to share with everyone the events of Jim's last day. Everyone respected Scotty. He was always able to keep a cool head under pressure. Perhaps this was why he was able to pick himself up and accept that assignment on the JENOLEN. He started to tell everyone how sad Jim looked on that day. Retirement had aged him more than anything or anyone that he had
encountered as captain of the ENTERPRISE. In the middle of his description, he just broke down and cried.

Chekov put his arm around Scotty's shoulder and gently guided him to his chair. Then Pavel continued the description. After Jim
died, Pavel had accepted a job at Starfleet Academy, working in some type of administrative position. He continued where Scotty had left off and he himself was fighting back tears as he returned to his

In consecutive order Uhura, Chapel and Captain Sulu rendered their tributes to James T. Kirk. Leonard got up to speak next. He cleared his throat and told old "war" stories about how, time and time again, Kirk challenged the Prime Directive, pissed off the "big brass", and even blew up a starship in the process. He concluded
with these words: "Jim's good judgment, instinct and raw nerve saved the lives of thousands of people. If Starfleet recruited more like Jim Kirk, my job would have been a hell of a lot easier. Here's to you, Jim." He raised his mug and drank the last of his hot chocolate, then felt his knees weaken. Spock helped him back to his seat.

Then it was Spock's turn to speak. Before he said anything, he excused himself and went into the other room. When he returned, he was carrying a little harp with him. He sat down and started to stroke the strings delicately. He sang a song about his Jim, his dearest love. He sang it with such feeling, intensity and, yes, even emotion. There wasn't a "dry eye" in the house when he had finished. After a brief pause, he resumed. He said that he would very much
miss Jim's guidance and good sense when it came to a personal life decision that he would have to make very soon. He was facing a crossroads when it came to choosing a path to follow. A new subdivision of Starfleet, which specialized in Covert Operations, was trying to recruit him. If he accepted their offer, chances were he would isolated for a very long period of time from his family and friends. However, it would be a good opportunity to learn the truth about many intricacies of interspecies relations that the average
officer was kept in the dark about.

His second option would be more structured and also more confining as well. The Vulcan embassy, based at Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco, offered him an opportunity for an ambassadorship. Most people who were given a nod of consideration were called at a much younger age. However, given Spock's
accomplishments and honors, he was one of the few chosen men of his age to be given this opportunity. It would be an exhaustive five year training program, where he would have to be confined to Earth for his training. Then he would have to serve an apprenticeship. After this, he would one day replace his father, who was beginning
to suffer from ill health. At any rate, this second path would keep him bound to Earth for at least the next ten years, and he was unsure as to whether he wanted to confine himself for such a long period of time. He would have to make a definite decision in the next two days and he was unsure in which direction to turn. He
looked directly at Leonard as he finished speaking.

The other crew members, grateful for the momentary diversion from their grief, offered some helpful suggestions. Leonard was silent. Spock responded courteously to the others, but Leonard couldn't help but notice that, from time to time, Spock's attention shifted to him, although the doctor said nothing. The hours wound
down with more small talk. Spock excused himself and said that he had much to do tomorrow and he needed some time alone to meditate. He gave one final glance at Leonard, which was most intense. As he
turned to leave, Leonard made a quick decision. He didn't know whether this was right or wrong, but, damn it, he knew that
sometimes you just have to follow your gut instinct.

He rose from his seat and gently touched Spock's shoulder. The Vulcan, highly sensitive to touch, turned around immediately.

"Spock, aaah, do you have a moment? I was wondering--Oh, never mind!"

"Did you want to say something, Doctor?"

"Yeah, aaah, I was wondering if, maybe tomorrow, if there may be some small period of time during the day when you have nothing to do but stare at the four walls, if you wouldn't mind spending an hour or so with a grouchy old man. By any chance, would you be free at 1800 hours tomorrow to meet at Central Park, Strawberry Fields?
You probably have a ton of things to do...that great brain of yours figuring out the nth root of the quadratic equation or something like that."

Spock took out a pocket planner and punched in a few numbers. He took his time in analyzing the data. He turned around to face Leonard. "I just may have some time for us to meet and the location seems agreeable. However, I have a meeting to attend a few hours prior, therefore I cannot absolutely commit to that time. I would like for us to meet, but will not know until that afternoon as to whether I can be there. If you would be agreeable, though, let us say that if I not there by 1830 hours, it means that I will regrettably not be able to meet you. I will do my best to work within that time period. Is this agreeable to you?"

"Oh, yeah...sure, Spock."

"Oh, and Doctor?"

"Yes, Spock?"

"The quadratic equation does not have an nth root. The definitive factor is the square root."

Leonard laughed. "Still the same old Spock. Hope to see you tomorrow, old friend."


That was yesterday. The time passed slowly. Leonard, wearing his favorite old blue cardigan sweater over a flannel shirt and
jeans, looked at his digital chronometer. The time read 1829 hours. He would give Spock another five minutes or so and then be heading back.

As he walked around "The Magic Circle," he wondered about the man who this exhibit was built to honor. For 300 years, people were
coming to this place to honor the memory of John Lennon. Why did people have to wait before they died to be so honored and
remembered? He was now an old man himself and couldn't help wondering how he would be remembered when it was his time to pass on.

"Fascinating...The tiles in this exhibit are in such perfect proportion and remarkably intact for their age."

Leonard heard the voice behind him and recognized it immediately. "Spock!!" he said, grinning from ear to ear. "You were able to make it after all!! So good to see you."

"The feeling is mutual, Doctor." The Vulcan stood tall and straight in his hooded black parka over neatly pressed black corduroy trousers, his hands clasped behind his back. "Can we pick a more quiet place where we can talk in private?"

"Oh yeah, sure. I'm catching my death of cold out here." McCoy stamped his booted feet. "There's a little cafe right near
the carousel. Finding the carousel is the hard part. It's a little bit of a walk, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. Although I am curious; why did you pick this location?"

"I'm a sentimental old fool, that's why! When I first got married after getting my medical license, I took up residence in
this city a couple of blocks from here. I used to bring my daughter over here when she was just a little girl. Coming here always makes me feel younger and reminds me of happier times."

They started to walk towards the carousel. "It is not at all foolish to be sentimental," Spock reassured him. "It is a
part of living one's life. Such behavior is not only normal, but indeed essential for well-being. I must admit to experiencing
moments of deprivation when I think about Jim."

"We all miss him, Spock."

"It goes beyond deprivation, Doctor. Jim and I were bonded, so there was a link between us. It was logical to assume that when he died, I would not "feel" him anymore. However, a certain part of me
is very much aware of his presence. Indeed, it is as though he is alive, but very far away. In some other dimension, perhaps."

"What else do you sense?"

"He is happy and at peace and has mated with someone else, a female perhaps. He misses me, but wishes that I go on without him."

"Spock, I know little about psychology. But I say this... we all handle the death of a loved one in a different way. I guess this
is your way of coping and that's fine. I suppose we can both agree that if Jim were here now, he would want us to be happy and get on with our lives."

"A logical conclusion, Doctor."

"Speaking of logical conclusions, are you any closer to making that decision that you have to make in the next couple of days?"

"It is quite a dilemma, actually. I walked into yesterday's gathering mostly sure of what my course of action would be. However,
today I am leaning towards the opposite direction. Tell me something, Doctor, if you were in my position, what would you do?"

"Wow, Spock! That's quite a question. I'll tell you what my father told me. I was considering whether to go into medicine or
law, when I first graduated college. I put the decision off till the last minute until I didn't have time anymore to decide, so I looked to Dad to point me in the right direction. He said that I would drive myself crazy if I stayed and thought about the positives. They both are about equal. However, it's what you give up that's the
important thing to consider. What will you sacrifice in order to make your choice? What can't you afford to give up? I mean, ten years down the line, what do you think you would be kicking yourself about? I don't know if I'm making sense here..."

"Yes, Doctor. I understand perfectly. I believe that my decision has been made. Thank you for your words of advice." They
walked in silence for a few minutes. Leonard was burning with curiosity over Spock's secretive behavior, but he felt that by probing further, it might be an invasion of his friend's privacy.

"Spock, you and I have known each other for years, so I believe I can share my feelings with you. Heck, if I don't do this now,
chances are I'll never get up the nerve to do this again."

"Please proceed, Doctor."

"Spock, this is difficult for me, so please bear with me. Ever since that Moo Goo Gai Pan or whatever it was called--"

"Fal Tor Pan, Doctor."

"Yeah, right, Fal Tor Pan. Anyway after that ceremony--well, I've never been quite the same. I mean, before that experience, I
never quite understood you... I've worked with you and I thought of you as little more than a computer with legs. However, having your consciousness be a part of me for that short period of time, for the
first time, I understood who you were. I felt your hurt, your pain, your great strain at having to hold back emotion. That experience affected me very deeply. I was never quite the same afterwards...I mean, am I making sense here?"

"Yes," Spock said, stopping to look at his friend, the setting sun highlighting his dark features. "Having my Katra mixed with your consciousness, I sensed a part of you that I never knew existed before. Your warm, nurturing nature enveloped me, and I felt very secure in trusting my most precious essence to your care. I even admit to feeling a sense of loss after the ceremony which separated us was performed."

"You too? I thought it was only me!" Even though Leonard usually felt cold at this time of year, he could feel himself
sweating profusely under his thick cardigan. "Spock, I need totell you something. Something which is very hard for me to say.. I am beginning to feel... I mean to say that I...I..." Leonard blushed and looked away. "Oh, forget about it, Spock! I'm just talking nonsense."

"Are you saying, Doctor, that you are starting to develop feelings of affection for me?" The Vulcan's deep voice sounded
gentler than usual.

"Oh, gods. I'm so ashamed! I'm sorry I ever brought this up. This is so embarrassing." Leonard started to walk away quickly in the opposite direction. He wanted to get away from everything and just hide himself. He had crossed the line and he didn't know whether he could handle the consequences. He leaned up against a tree to steady himself. Then he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. It was Spock's.

"Leonard, my friend. There is, indeed, no shame in these feelings. It is part of our nature and the nature of life itself. To put it more specifically, Doctor, I share your feelings."

"What exactly are you saying?"

"I am saying that I love you, Leonard McCoy. Ignoring and repressing these feelings is not healthy for either of us. Seeing you last night just reinforced my resolve. I've made my decision to accept the ambassadorship, so that we could have the time and opportunity to get to know each other better. I very much want you to be a part of my life."

"So where do we go from here?"

"As my own father would advise, we take life day by day. We live in the present. The past is irrelevant and the future will take care of itself."

"I sort of like that advice. Listen, Spock, it's getting dark out now. What do you say we forget the café? I still held on to thesame residence where I used to live with my wife and daughter. Would you like to come home with me and let me cook you dinner?

"No offense, Doctor. I have tasted your cooking and the results have given me pause to wonder as to why you have remained so well preserved for so many years. We need to do some shopping, and whether you approve or not, I am going to make sure that you eat good, healthy food from now on."

"Ha! The only way you could do that is to move in with me and watch me 24/7."

Spock didn't answer, but he raised his eyebrow in a very sensual manner.

"I guess you're right, Spock. I do need someone to look after me."


Leonard, who was expecting an indication of Spock's own vulnerability, but received none, just laughed. "Still the same old
Spock! Some things never change."

Spock looked directly into McCoy's eyes. "I suppose it is logical to conclude that this is the reason why you love me. "

Leonard didn't answer. He just held the Vulcan's hand affectionately as they walked toward the nearest park exit.