To Lose Him Again...

Title: To Lose Him Again
Author: Nikita
Pairing: Sp/Mc
Disclaimer: Don't own them, isn't that sad?

Summary: McCoy wakes to new possibilities

Timeline: STIII: Search for Spock. Takes place towards the end as
McCoy stares down at Spock as they head towards Vulcan.

Author's Note: Can stand on its own, but it takes place after my
little snippet: `I Tried' Available at Spock McCoy Haven group or
on my own website:

Feedback: Keeps the fic coming...


I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to do It's not like he `told'
me what to docertainly didn't tell me he was leaving his `soul'
with me. This Katra, or whatever it is. Didn't exactly come with a

There's no medical texts or research to draw from, the vulcans are
as tight-lipped as usual. The crew gives me pitying looks and
avoids asking me questions. Jim looks at me as if he expects me to
pull a rabbit out of my hat or rather a Vulcan from my head. How
do I do that? I've never put much stock in this Vulcan mysticism
and now I'm depending on it. We both are.

It's oddthis presence in my mindnot like a mind meld, more like a
possession, but I can't control it at all. Sometimes it's all me
and sometimes it's him and most of the time it's an odd mixture of
the two of us. Logic. I kept talking about logic at the bar,
wasn't even aware of it until later. I had plenty of time to think
to myself in the holding cell.

And now? Now I look down at his facehis face! A new body grown
thanks to Genesis. Perhaps the only good thing to come from that
damn experiment. The planet's dying and Jim's son is dead.

Jim. I wish I could comfort him properly, but I'm just a bit too
preoccupied at present. We're renegades from Starfleet, on board a
Klingon ship, the Enterprise is gone and we're heading to Vulcan.

And I have no idea what to do

"Spock, for god sakes, talk to me" He's so still.

"You stuck this damn thing in my head, remember?" God that sounds

"REMEMBER?" That word will be branded in my memory forever

"Now tell me what to do with it. Help me." There's nothing. No
response, from his body or from that Katra within me. What if we
lose him, anyway? After all we've been through to get him back
What if `I' lose him? This realization makes me sit back slightly.

"I'm going to tell you something that I never thought I'd ever hear
myself say. But it seems I've missed you" It's true

"I don't know if I couldstand to lose you again."

He sleeps on and I can't stop thinkingI can't stand to lose him