Title: Missing
Author: Jazz Man
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything.
Summary: A conversation between Spock and McCoy after ST III: The
Search for Spock. Nikita and I seem to be working in a curious
tandem. Follows on, sort of, from 'Conclusions and Proposals'
and 'Now You're Gone'.

Jazz Man

I was happy to let the others crowd round you when you first came
back to us. I thought there would be time enough for us later and,
yeah, I was tired. You know I love you, Spock, but having your Katra
inside my head was an experience I have no wish to repeat. I like
being illogical. If I wasn't an illogical, emotionally driven man we
wouldn't be an us. They wished you away pretty damn quick, but you
came back. You boarded the Klingon monstrosity and found me, I was
hiding in the cabin I'd taken as mine. As you stood before me, I
knew something was wrong.

"Doctor McCoy," you said hesitantly. Bingo. We were alone; you
never called me that when we were alone, not unless we'd had an

"You used to call me Len."

"I do not remember."

I sat down on the hard Klingon bunk and looked up at you. I didn't
know what to say.

"You carried my Katra. Why did I entrust it to you?"

You expect me to answer that without taking all day? "I was there,"
I said, going for the easy option.

"Was not Mr Scott also there? And was he not unconscious?" You
looked as confused as I have ever seen you.

"Yes, he was, but you knew I would stop you unless you did something
about it." I smiled, "It was all perfectly logical."

You paused, trying to find the words for whatever it was you were
going to say. "I know that you were important to me, but I do not
know why. The memories are gone. Can you help me remember?"

I hate that word. Remember. So I remember everything and you
remember nothing. Not the best grounding for a relationship. I
looked across at you, or rather the new you. You didn't understand,
and it wasn't your fault. I couldn't take it out on you. "I'll
try," I said, struggling to keep the emotion out of my voice.

Dammit, Spock, when they put you back together they were missing some
of the pieces. You know what? They left the best part out. The
left the best part out and I don't know if I can put you back
together again.