Summary: Spock overhears and expression he doesn't understand.
*Multiply it by 2*
McCoy looked up from his desk to see the first officer standing in
his doorway. If Spock were fully human, McCoy would have said that
Spock looked . . .well . . . confused. It was a most disconcerting
sight he realized. If Spock were confused, things could not be good.
"Mr. Spock? What brings you here?"
"I am in need of assistance, doctor?" Spock looked at the charts hung
directly behind McCoy's head.
"What's up? Come on, let's go into an exam area."
Spock held up his hand to halt the doctor. "I am not in need of
medical assistance, doctor. Rather I am in need of your linguistic
"Linguistic expertise? I'm a doctor, not a linguist, Spock. Did you
hit your head on something?"
Spock moved to take the chair across from McCoy and waited. McCoy,
starting to realize this was more personal rather than professional,
activated the privacy lock for the door. "Linguistic, huh? Someone
said something and you can't figure out what it means?"
"Precisely, doctor. I have exhausted the ships references and can
find no logical meaning for the statement."
"Well, that's part of the problem, ya know. Human language isn't
always logical. If it were, we would park on parkways and drive on
driveways, not the other way around." McCoy couldn't resist teasing
Spock, at least a little. He did appreciate the fact that Spock came
to him for help; that honor was not lost on him. "Why don't you tell
me what was said?"
"I bet he's a good thirty-four and a half."
"Sounds like a reference to someone's age to me."
"But the statement was made in reference to me and I am not thirty-
four point five."
"Well it's hard to tell a Vulcan's age, Spock. Maybe . . ."
"The statement was made by Lt. Thanatos. She entered the academy the
same semester I did. She could make a reasonable guess as to my age."
"Oh. Huh. Who did she say this to?"
"Our visiting dentist?"
"Yes. I overhead them in the gymnasium."
"And you had been working out?"
"Well, there you go, Spock. Nothing to worry about."
"Two women, talking about a half-naked Vulcan in a gym. They were
talking in code. Probably a rating, probably meant as a compliment."
"A rating? What sort of rating? What are the criteria on which I am
"Well, two human females, I can only guess, but the typical rating is
one to ten. So if Thanatos thinks you're a thirty-four and a half,
she must think you're really good."
"Good? At gravity ball then."
"That what you were playing?"
"Wearing your . . . uh . . .black shorts?
"No. The white ones. I played defense today. But I fail see . . ."
"But they didn't, I bet."
"Spock, those white shorts leave little to the imagination. I
suspect you were being rated on your . . . endowments."
One raised eyebrow. "They were guessing my measurements?"
"Could be, though I bet it's more that you were being rated on your
perceived sexual attributes and likely performance in bed."
The eye brow lowered. Spock swiveled the chair. "A similar comment
was made about you."
"Wait a minute. I wasn't there. I haven't been in the gym this
week. And I don't think I've seen Thanatos since her last quarterly
"Dr. Erdogan made the comment."
"Back up. Give me this conversation verbatim would you?"
"Thanatos: I bet Spock is a good thirty-four and a half. Erdogan:
I bet he is too. Thanatos: Who do you think is also thirty-four and
a half? Kirk? Erdogan: Nah. I'd say McCoy. Thanatos: Really?
Why's that? Erdogan: Well that's my fantasy. Blue eyes, great
hands, cute butt. And when he goes all Southern on
you . . .Thanatos: No pun intended. (At which point Erdogan laughed)
Edrogan: You know what I mean. I just bet McCoy's a good thirty-four
and half, too. And I just hope he's a thirty-four and half with
Spock had watched with interest as McCoy's expression changed from
amusement, to embarrassment, to something he couldn't quite
distinguish. After a moment of silence, Spock asked, "Well, doctor."
McCoy leaned forward over his desk and rested his gaze directly on
the Vulcan's mouth. "Spock, if you're a thirty-four and half, and
I'm a thirty-four and a half, what do we have?"
"Two thirty-four and a halves."
McCoy smiled. "And two thirty four and halves equals what?"
"Sixty-nine. Lt. Thanatos and Dr. Erdogan think that we?" He left
the thought unspoken.
"So it would seem. Do you wish to say anything to them?"
"I see no point in confirming their suspicions, do you doctor?"
"No, especially as how you and I are not good thirty-four and a
halves. We're very good."